Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world. Or so they think. After all, if mothers have problems with breastfeeding, there are midwives, lactation consultants and other experts. We asked a young mother how she fared.
PAULI&CO: Stefanie, you gave birth to twins. How did you get on with breastfeeding your two children?
Stefanie Forster*: Well, I was really excited about my pregnancy and my two babies. I had a very clear image of myself as a mother. And that included fully breastfeeding my children for six months or longer. However, both of them were born two months prematurely and had to go into intensive care first. The breastfeeding idyll was quickly over. I had to express breast milk because the babies’ sucking reflex was not yet strong enough. Of course, this also made it easier to monitor the amount they were drinking. This is important with such small children.
PAULI&CO: And how did you feel about it?
Stefanie Forster: To be honest, not good at all. I always just said to myself: I have to manage this. I have to manage to breastfeed my children myself, because that’s the best thing. And if I don’t manage that, then I’m failing and can only give my children the second best. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I was firmly convinced that I was damaging my children’s immune system with a replacement milk. This pressure was intensified by the hospital staff and the midwife. I didn’t even see myself in this situation. With twins you have more work and less sleep anyway and I was completely exhausted after a short time.
PAULI&CO: That’s all too understandable. So how did you find a way out of the situation?
Stefanie Forster: It took a visit to our pediatrician to solve my completely muddled situation. He asked me quite simply: How are you actually doing? That’s when I realized that I hadn’t been thinking about myself at all. I just wanted to function, to meet my own expectations and those of others. Because I was putting myself under so much pressure, I no longer had enough milk and the children were no longer getting enough to eat. It was a vicious circle. And expressing was very painful and unpleasant. Not to mention the time-consuming cleaning and sterilizing of the pump. My pediatrician was the first person to advise me to stop breastfeeding. He allayed my concerns that I was harming my children and that I didn’t need to have a guilty conscience.
PAULI&CO: Did the pressure disappear when you decided to use substitute milk?
Stefanie Forster: Yes, completely. I was very relieved. I also always had the idea that children only develop a close maternal bond through breastfeeding. My pediatrician gave me good advice, he took a holistic view of us as a family. He believes that a relaxed and well-rested mother who gives the bottle is better for her children than a stressed mother with a guilty conscience. When my twins were given replacement milk, the situation eased for the whole family.
PAULI&CO: What advice can you give other women based on your experiences?
Stefanie Forster: Well, I still think breastfeeding is important. But if the circumstances are as they were for me, for example, then you should be careful with yourself as a woman and mother and ask yourself what is good for you. In my case, it was better to stop breastfeeding. And I learned that this is completely okay. I was just surprised that I wasn’t told this at the hospital or that my midwife didn’t suggest it. I would have liked honest words or an explanation sooner.
In general, I believe that we women and mothers put too much pressure on ourselves and are prepared to bow to general expectations. We should always question this. There is no roadmap for mothers, everyone has to decide for themselves what is best for them and their children.
(*Name changed by the editors)
