Breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world. Or so people think. If mothers have problems with breastfeeding, there are midwives, lactation consultants and other experts. We asked a young mother how she got on.
PAULI&CO: Stefanie, you gave birth to twins. How did you manage breastfeeding your two children?
Stefanie Forster*: Well, I was really excited about my pregnancy and about my two babies. I had a very clear idea of myself as a mother. And that included breastfeeding my children for six months or more. But they were both born two months early and had to go to the intensive care unit. The breastfeeding idyll was quickly over. I had to pump breast milk because the babies' sucking reflex wasn't strong enough yet. This also made it easier to monitor the amount they were drinking. That's important with such small children.
PAULI&CO: And how did you feel about it?
Stefanie Forster: To be honest, it wasn't good at all. I just kept telling myself: I have to do this. I have to manage to breastfeed my children myself, because that's the best thing. And if I don't manage that, then I'm failing and can only give my children the second best. I put a lot of pressure on myself. I was firmly convinced that I was damaging my children's immune systems by using a milk substitute. This pressure was increased by the hospital staff and the midwife. I didn't even see myself in this situation anymore. With twins you have more work and less sleep anyway and I was completely exhausted after a short time.
PAULI&CO: That is understandable. How did you find a way out of the situation?
Stefanie Forster: It was only a visit to our pediatrician that resolved my completely confused situation. He asked me quite simply: How are you actually? Then I realized that I hadn't thought about myself at all. I just wanted to function, to meet my own expectations and those of others. Because I put so much pressure on myself, I no longer had enough milk and the children were no longer fed. A vicious circle. And pumping was very painful and unpleasant. Not to mention the time-consuming cleaning and sterilizing of the pump. My pediatrician was the first person to advise me to stop breastfeeding. He put aside my concerns that I would harm my children and that I didn't have to feel guilty.
PAULI&CO: Did the pressure disappear when you decided to use substitute milk?
Stefanie Forster: Yes, completely. I was very relieved. I always had the idea that children only develop a close bond with their mothers through breastfeeding. My pediatrician gave me good advice on this; he saw us as a family in a holistic way. He thinks that a relaxed and well-rested mother who gives the bottle is better for her children than a stressed one with a guilty conscience. When my twins were given formula milk, the situation relaxed in the whole family.
PAULI&CO: What can you tell other women based on your experiences?
Stefanie Forster: Well, I still think breastfeeding is important. But if the circumstances are like mine, for example, then you should be mindful of yourself as a woman and mother and ask yourself what is good for you. In my case, it was better to stop breastfeeding. And I learned that that is completely OK. I was just surprised that they didn't tell me that in the hospital or that my midwife didn't suggest it. I would have liked to have had honest words or an explanation earlier.
In general, I believe that we women and mothers put too much pressure on ourselves and are willing to bow to general expectations. This is something that we should always question. There is no roadmap for mothers; each mother must decide for herself what is best for her and her children.
(*Name changed by the editors)
